I still remember the first time I spoke to my beau. It was a 4 hour conversation which felt more like 15 mins and I knew, he’s the one. I have never been a ‘maybe’ girl. My views are balanced but rigid. And though I had questions regarding my career and future after moving to US from India, they were less important than who I wanted to spend my life with. I, like all others came to the land of dreams hoping for rainbows and unicorns; not knowing how big a curse the H4 visa is.
If you are anything like me, you always need something, to work out those grey cells. I did engage myself in all possible hobbies I could and tried to look at all the fun and bright things of being at home, but somewhere deep down I knew its not for me. The only ‘being at home’ time I have truly enjoyed in the last 7 years are weekends when my hubby was home and all the time I spent with my son. The remaining 4 years were forced on me, by my own decision to move here. You get something and lose something, I get that. I did get to see so many beautiful places and befriend amazing people after I moved here and am truly grateful for that; but unfortunately they only met a part of me.
At age 32 which is already 730 days after the end of my twenties, I finally feel I am back on track and exactly where I wanted to be all these years. When I started analyzing these 7 years, I realized there were two important events that have dictated most of my experiences. First, loosing my right to work and second having a baby.
The having a baby decision was by far the best decision of my life. I have never experienced this much joy on a daily basis. My munchkin has been happy and giggly since the day he was born. That does sometimes make me wonder, whether he came to us, to balance all the grumpiness and stresses that I and my husband are so skilled at generating. He gave me purpose, which is the most important thing in any human beings life.
Then came the H4 EAD, the most awaited and celebrated rule, by any spouse, who was refused the right to work and become financially independent. After going through all that I had to, I was finally working again, interacting with like-minded people and enjoying life. I started working towards getting higher education and climbing the ladder again to make up for all the lost years.
Now again, I and so many of us, stand in front of this basic right being revoked. We have to accept again, that we do not have the freedom to be independent. We all have those butterflies in our stomach, waiting to see what someone else decides about our life. Everyone has their own agenda in life. All choose what benefits them. And its time for us to makes choices that benefit us. Like they tell you when you fly; if the oxygen mask is down help yourself first and then the others. If you don’t help yourself now, to be the best, you cannot give your best to your family and the society.
I have learned more life lessons in the last two years than the first 30 of my life. And the most important of those lessons is to control what and how much I ‘fear’. Fear is good, it makes you question your thoughts, actions and decisions and brings the much necessary balance to life. But how much fear is good? Fear that puts you in a vulnerable position, pushes you into those dark corners of your mind and sheds negative light on anything that the future holds cannot be good for anyone.
I have decided that today is the day, I stop this. I stop this fear taking over my life. I know I will have to take some tough decisions in the future, but I am not going to be bullied around anymore and won’t allow anyone to tell me if I can work, drive, earn or live. If that means saying bye to this land of opportunities, then so be it. The dark and bleak picture of living in my mother land is only as true as the rainbows and unicorns here. I am not saying this is the only choice, there are as many choices, as there are circumstances. Think about choices and not about fears.
I want to bring sunshine in my life and in the lives intertwined with me. I want to show my son how to overcome all the negativity, insecurities and unhappiness which are a part and parcel of life, for that I need to walk my talk; and I start that walk today.
I know a lot of you are in the same boat as me. I would love to hear your stories. You can like and share and also post your stories in the comments or email us at email@example.com.
And remember, you are just a choice away, to take control as the captain of the ship and explore uncharted territories.